It’s the Culmination of Your Life’s Events, in Tube-Form.

Those smug Swedes. They've been hoarding squeezable bacon technology for years, but now, thanks to ThinkGeek, it's been liberated. Now you can purchase tubed bacon and have it shipped directly to your big, sweaty, knuckle-popped American paws to use as you see fit. (Toothpaste? Sexy-time prop? Edible mustache? Bacon flan?)

Stranger still, this bacon/gel hybrid allegedly has no preservatives, due to some hastily glossed over "freezing technology." Lie to me, bacon. You know I'll always forgive you.