Thursday, January 28, 2010
Tuesday, January 26, 2010
Windsor Sausage in Jelly
A gelatin-filled visual journey through food ads and cookbook photos from the past.
Scene from a David Cronenberg film or acceptable dinner party dish?
Domestic abuse jokes!
Monday, January 25, 2010
I Kinda Want This Job
From Reuters
- International hotel chain Holiday Inn is offering a trial human bed-warming service at three hotels in Britain this month.
If requested, a willing staff-member at two of the chain's London hotels and one in the northern English city of Manchester will dress in an all-in-one fleece sleeper suit before slipping between the sheets.
"The new Holiday Inn bed warmers service is a bit like having a giant hot water bottle in your bed," Holiday Inn spokeswoman Jane Bednall said in an emailed statement to Reuters.
Soooo, what I'm hearing is that somebody is going to get paid to traipse around hotels, wearing a fleece onesie, and catnapping in strangers' beds? Mine.
- International hotel chain Holiday Inn is offering a trial human bed-warming service at three hotels in Britain this month.
If requested, a willing staff-member at two of the chain's London hotels and one in the northern English city of Manchester will dress in an all-in-one fleece sleeper suit before slipping between the sheets.
"The new Holiday Inn bed warmers service is a bit like having a giant hot water bottle in your bed," Holiday Inn spokeswoman Jane Bednall said in an emailed statement to Reuters.
Soooo, what I'm hearing is that somebody is going to get paid to traipse around hotels, wearing a fleece onesie, and catnapping in strangers' beds? Mine.
Friday, January 22, 2010
Wednesday, January 20, 2010
Tuesday, January 19, 2010
Squeegee My Third Eye
Remember that guy in college who took a lot of speed and never shut up about the Illuminati? He has a website now, and besides seeing occult symbols in places like the Denver airport and Pinocchio, it also takes on pop stars and their hidden agendas.
Did you know Lil Wayne's new video was directed by Satan? Or that Lady Gaga is a sleeper assassin? Obvs she's hiding more than just a potential disco stick under that Hello Kitty pile-up.
Jay-Z as a Mason, though, is something I can get with. He would make it cool to be a Mason again, and soon there will be a mass exodus of celebrities to secret temples, from which TMZ will do live broadcasts.
Did you know Lil Wayne's new video was directed by Satan? Or that Lady Gaga is a sleeper assassin? Obvs she's hiding more than just a potential disco stick under that Hello Kitty pile-up.
Jay-Z as a Mason, though, is something I can get with. He would make it cool to be a Mason again, and soon there will be a mass exodus of celebrities to secret temples, from which TMZ will do live broadcasts.
Sunday, January 17, 2010
Together, We Can Put the "Fun" Back in "Funeral"
Yesterday a ceiling fan fell on my head... while it was spinning. (A note: Whoever Final Destinationed me, if you would simply make yourself known and apologize, all will be forgotten.) It got me thinking about funerals and how antiquated they are. I ain’t going out like that.
Instead, I’ve decided that I want a tasteful affair. Something that really sums up my life’s accomplishments, so with much contemplation, I’ve decided on this: Viking funeral aboard a party barge, with my corpse stuffed in my tauntaun sleeping bag. Just so there’s no confusion, I’ve decided that the soundtrack should be all Jock Jamz. I’ve detailed the playlist below.
"Firestarter" – Prodigy (Lighting the barge)
"Push It" – Salt ‘n Pepa (Leaving the dock)
"You’re Unbelievable" – EMF (Floating away, with the crowd doing shots)
"Getting Jiggy Wit It" – Will Smith (The crowd is still doing shots and inappropriate spring break dancing is occurring)
"The Final Countdown" – Europe (As my humble river boat crashes into a delicate, endangered coral reef)
If my final wishes are not honored, my fire spirit will return to haunt the shit out of everyone. Undead me will crash on your couch, even if you had other plans that week. I will also drink all of your beers and never offer to pitch in for more. I’ll sign you up for magazine subscriptions online and click “Bill Me Later,” in an attempt to ruin your credit. I’ll also criticize every date you bring home – not to his/her face or anything, but to you, after he/she leaves. So yeah, you bitches better fulfill.
Instead, I’ve decided that I want a tasteful affair. Something that really sums up my life’s accomplishments, so with much contemplation, I’ve decided on this: Viking funeral aboard a party barge, with my corpse stuffed in my tauntaun sleeping bag. Just so there’s no confusion, I’ve decided that the soundtrack should be all Jock Jamz. I’ve detailed the playlist below.
"Firestarter" – Prodigy (Lighting the barge)
"Push It" – Salt ‘n Pepa (Leaving the dock)
"You’re Unbelievable" – EMF (Floating away, with the crowd doing shots)
"Getting Jiggy Wit It" – Will Smith (The crowd is still doing shots and inappropriate spring break dancing is occurring)
"The Final Countdown" – Europe (As my humble river boat crashes into a delicate, endangered coral reef)
If my final wishes are not honored, my fire spirit will return to haunt the shit out of everyone. Undead me will crash on your couch, even if you had other plans that week. I will also drink all of your beers and never offer to pitch in for more. I’ll sign you up for magazine subscriptions online and click “Bill Me Later,” in an attempt to ruin your credit. I’ll also criticize every date you bring home – not to his/her face or anything, but to you, after he/she leaves. So yeah, you bitches better fulfill.
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