When zombies do attack -- as we know they will, you can bank on Florida being the initial point of outbreak. They will nibble and chomp their way from the bottom up, starting with Parrot Heads in the Keys, through pythons in the Everglades, to mermaids in Weeki Wachee, saving the state capitol for last. There they will feast on Muppet-orange governor Charlie Crist at a public assembly. Oddly enough, only then will the rest of the world notice that Florida no longer exists.
For this reason, having a zombie retaliation plan makes sense. So when one was added to University of Florida's emergency evacuation lists last Thursday, I don't really understand why folks got so pissy. It was loaded with insights, like:
"Some employees may prefer weapons such as chain saws, baseball bats, and explosives that have been shown to be effective against zombies," the plan says. "Given the stress on staff to be anticipated during a zombie outbreak, employees should be given the flexibility to choose their own weaponry thereby diminishing anxiety."
The plan concludes with an "infected co-worker dispatch form" that includes a place to list the co-worker’s symptoms such as "lack of rational thought (this can cause problems confusing zombies with managers)." At the end, employees must note whether housekeeping was notified to clean up the dead zombie and human resources has been told to stop salary payments to the zombie and its victims.
The plan was promptly removed. Its author, a self-described insomniac, said he wrote it while unsuccessfully attempting to sleep between the hours of 1 and 4 a.m., he thought it would boost moral and alleviate work stress.
Read an article on the topic here.
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