It Burns Me Eyes!

Yes, I know. Your lady part is a jewel to be worshiped. You must hide it from griffins because the fortune is so valuable. You live in fear of panty raids from treasure-plundering pirates.
I get it. It’s “all that.”

Isn’t it a shame that not everyone knows this? There should be a way to commission an “artist” to bring your sacred love clam out of the shadows, by recreating it as a pendant for the whole world to enjoy. (Would that be called a “clameo?”)
Thankfully, the South Floridian crafter behind Vulvalovelovely wants to do just that. Send her some photos of your snail trail and she’ll gleefully empower the shit out of you.
I can think of about a million reasons why this is the creepiest thing I’ve seen all week, so let’s just focus on one element: meeting men at bars while your vadge medallion stares them down. What do you even say?

“Do you like what you see?”
“If you put your ear against it, you can hear the ocean!”
“It’s not to scale.”
“There’s a tiny compass on the back... “
“It operates on roughly the same principles as Hypercolor…”
"When the warranty expires, I might upgrade."

Way to keep it skeezy, Florida!