Secret Hoarders, Yeah, That's What We Are

Me: So, what are you doing today?
Mom: Well, there's this great show on Lifetime later tonight.
Me: Mmm-hmm....
Mom: It's all about hoarders.
Me: Oh, yeah. I saw a preview for that. Looks depressing enough for Lifetime.
Mom: Wait, no, it's on A&E.
Me: The new Lifetime. So, yeah, you're excited about this?
Mom: Well ... I think your dad might be a hoarder.
Me: Hmm. A small-scale hoarder, maybe. America is probably the only country where storage units are so abundant because no one can throw shit -
Mom: I want to burn it all.
Me: Oh...

I didn't tell her about the show I watched this weekend about people with OCD, lest another family secret come tumbling out. I especially didn't tell her about the woman who is so germaphobic she has to masturbate with a rubber glove. Or the show about the 650-lb. virgin. Man, Labor Day weekend programming really reaches for the stars, and then throws those stars in your eyes, like Chinese stars.

If you want to wash your sad sandwich down with a glass of uncomfortable juice: HOARDERS.